deeper than words

day is over, lights are off.
white ceiling, humming of the heat.
deep breaths,
mind taking stock of what passed,
now a memory.
the weight of what is tearing me apart,
fading with each heartbeat
overwhelmed with thoughts
of what is holding me together.
room brightens, then suddenly blurs
4:30am, a new day.

the simplest of forms,
is what I crave most.
yet so arduous.

wanting better,
seeking more,
scavenging for what is missing,
wishing for perfect, a flawless life.
deep down,
just wishing for you,
always and forever enough,
you are my better.

I often wonder,
if you think about me
as much as I think about you.
if you feel about me
as deeply as I feel about you.
if you miss me
as much as I miss you.

unanswered thoughts.

these walls make up this house,
but you see,
I want to go home.
I know all too well where this house is,
but wonder,
where is home?
a place where everything is as alright
under a warm blanket,
but,
I don’t know where everything is alright.
searching within…

I love you,
I know so.
need to be patient,
learning to.
waiting for you,
show me your chaos,
show me what you keep hidden,
show me all of you.

but, please don’t keep me waiting.

a weakness,
for my words in your heart,
and my hands around your neck…
both in which, she can’t refuse.
mine.

like a fine watch,
sweeping smoothly with each passing second,
waiting for the time to be just right.
you and I getting kissed by the rain
with the moon watching,
never alone.

running out of paper,
running out of ink,
running out of sunshine,
running out of time,
all long before
I run out of words to say to you…

perfect in shape,
yet the naked eye can’t see.
weak at first,
melts unless conditions are just right.
once it clings, however,
accumulation starts.
that first snow flake fails over and over again.
until it doesn’t.
after a few hours, everything is white.
snow overpowering all colors.
all things that are not.