deeper than words

it is within the bad times
we understand what really matters.
the treacherous pain,
now finding its purpose.

my hands,
meant to touch your body.
you don’t move at my unexpected touch,
it’s as if your body knew what was coming.
like a missing puzzle piece finding its match.

you began pushing me away,
the moment you made me a choice.
the moment you made me an option
a mere placeholder.
if you truly loved me,
there wouldn’t be any other choice.
I should have been the only option
as you were for me.

trying to heal
from what hurt me
but can’t seem to stop the bleeding.
hemorrhaging from within.

my mind travels
making movies
that never came out
but feel so real.

but, maybe they were real after all.

if you didn’t exist,
I swear I would wish for you,
I would make you just as you are
so that I could love you.

familiarity breeds contempt.
amplifying only the flaws
the lacking
like a magnifying glass.
the good,
always taken for granted, of course.
specifically within relationships,
especially the one with the person in the mirror.

if you do wrong,
it’s okay, just don’t forget
to make the apology
louder than the disrespect ever was.

the feeling of guilt
oftentimes an easier emotion fo deal with
than the actual root of the problem.

the words I say to myself
are far worse
than any of the words you’ve
ever said to me.
you just said them out loud.