deeper than words

you began pushing me away,
the moment you made me a choice.
the moment you made me an option
a mere placeholder.
if you truly loved me,
there wouldn’t be any other choice.
I should have been the only option
as you were for me.

trying to heal
from what hurt me
but can’t seem to stop the bleeding.
hemorrhaging from within.

my mind travels
making movies
that never came out
but feel so real.

but, maybe they were real after all.

if you didn’t exist,
I swear I would wish for you,
I would make you just as you are
so that I could love you.

familiarity breeds contempt.
amplifying only the flaws
the lacking
like a magnifying glass.
the good,
always taken for granted, of course.
specifically within relationships,
especially the one with the person in the mirror.

if you do wrong,
it’s okay, just don’t forget
to make the apology
louder than the disrespect ever was.

the feeling of guilt
oftentimes an easier emotion fo deal with
than the actual root of the problem.

the words I say to myself
are far worse
than any of the words you’ve
ever said to me.
you just said them out loud.

white sheets, soft pillows
no clock on the wall, taking my time with you.
my hands firmly on you
gripping you in all the right places
where they belong.
whispering in your mouth
the nasty words you’re starving for.
moving down, exploring every inch.
arms locked around your hips
devouring what is in between
tasting you
darling, your moans are just getting me started.

a little red car, no frills
the smell of gas that lingers in the air
manual windows, of course
a trusted companion for the manual gears
a small lever to start the car, optional were the seatbelts.
few black switches on the dash, no radio to fiddle with
that first gear that just doesn’t want to engage,
but always did after a few
the lights that work, they just require a little wiggle.
the simplicity of what once was.
cruising down old familiar streets
all the small overlooked details now standing out
ready to be admired by those who seek.
the light breeze flowing in the small cab tingling the senses
searching for the meaning of it all,
a daunting task that consumes those who embark on the journey
but in that moment he didn’t care.
he didn’t need the answers to the worries,
the doubts and all else that troubles his soul.
the sound of the breeze quieting the voices within
for long enough for him to realize that
he was happy to just be alive and
to have the opportunity to share the experience.
the simplicity in the moment made him feel that he was more than enough.